An open apology to the shareholders of the Hansar Hotel Group:
Firstly, allow me to congratulate you on your delightful hotel, friendly staff, expertly curated cocktail menu and well appointed bar. Alas, I feel I need to apologise to all and any with vested financial interests in your property portfolio. No doubt in the past your buy one get one free drinks policy might have been a sound marketing strategy to lure thirsty passersby into sampling the wider delights of your leisure offering. However, on a hot day, with a parched Scottish girl within a 5 km radius, it’s nothing but commercial suicide. The repercussions of this afternoon’s booze bout are almost certain to result in immediate financial embarrassment for your all too generous selves. Major soz. If any of you happen to find yourselves dragging your beggar’s bindle through the mean streets of Dalston in the forthcoming ruinous years, I’ll be sure to stand you a pint.
With best regards &c.,