We had some lunch and a pint at the clubhouse at Aberdour. Here’s Katie in the process of making an obscene gesture at me on the cliffside. What a charming young lady she’s turned out to be. Now we’re riding the Stella Express (actually, Chardonnay Express – we’re in 1st) back to Kings X.

Hope you’ve all had splendid, long, deeply relaxing weekends. I have. In fact, I’ve completely forgotten what it is I do for a living or where my offices are. I’ve a hazy memory that I maybe play piano in a brothel. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll just wander about likely looking establishments and ask if they recognise me.

Katie wears a vintage shirt from 123 Bethnal Green, green Topshop cardigan as a scarf, ASOS mac and shoes from Sarenza.

After a huge haggisy breakfast, we went for a wee walk around Katie’s village, stopping off to look at the annual Charlestown vegetable growing competition. Now we’re watching the English win at the rugby while my Scottish hosts scream support for the Irish.

Katie wears her mum’s skirt and Ferragamo sunnies, Topshop cardigan and Jessica Dance necklace.

We’re off out to our favourite restaurant in the whole world later. Tell you all about it tomoz.

X

Katie had planned to hit up the gym and flex her Lady Guns this evening.

She sacked it off to come to the pub instead.

Then we ate some Asian noms at the Great Eastern Dining Room.

Now we’re eating cake in bed.

If you would like to join the Joe Sinclair “Carb The Fat Away” diet programme, please send money (and warm, buttery crumpets) to me, c/o Damascu Bite, Shoreditch.

A needlessly sporty ensemble today: an Ayten Gasson vintage Liberty print silk kimono top, Adidas tank top, Topshop lace harem pants and Kurt Geiger leopard print shoes.

Katie’s been out to lunch at da Polpo with her friend Flic (we went to her wedding almost a year ago) and I’ve been at home marinating steaks and working a bit. Meh.

K’s new haircut is definitely one of my all time favourites. It also means that my hair is now three times the length of Katie’s. I could probably manage bunches.

She wears an ASOS jumpsuit, Topshop cardigan and Carvella shoes. I’m off to cook steak. Laters yo.

Stuff wot I done today:

1. Came back to London.

2. Ate a massive cardio-burger.

3. Cleared out the Folk sale.

4. Drunk a fizzy booze with the neighbours in the sun.

5. Got dressed for dinner.

The K is taking me out to Scott’s as a special prize for doing good at PR and winning the trophies. It’s know it’s only PR and not ER. But if it was, I’d be a sexy Mark Green.

She wears a Topshop dress, lovely Tie Rack headscarf, Gucci kicks and a vintage bed-jacket.

Nighty night yo.

X

Urrrgh. Me and my liver have fallen out in a massive way. Thankfully Cannes is only once a year (and K and J have the day off work tomorrow so we’re planning time for some major relaxation).

Katie wears a Temperley cardigan, Topshop dress and belt and Office floral shoes. Very nice. Catch you tomorrow.

X

Not sure why Katie’s got her eyes shut, we’ve easily had one of the best Sunday’s on record:

1. Booked holiday: CHECK

2. Eaten a bunch of raw fish: CHECK

3. Written a presentation for work: PARTIAL CHECK

4. Hung around East London looking well reem in my new hat: TOTAL CHECK

5. TOWIE on tonight: CHECK

Katie wears Almost Famous shoes, Topshop top and ridiculous palazzo pants from TK Maxx.

LATERS.

Here’s some free advertising for Mr Brillo. Katie’s mum is visiting tomorrow and so the house needs to be thoroughly cleaned; a number of items need to be incinerated; and a couple of the more severe infestations need to be fumigated.

Katie’s unconventional cleaning outfit consists of Topshop harem pants, Tabio legwarmers, vintage sweatshirt dress thing from 123 and a pair of Marigolds. I’m popping out to the pub to leave her to it (I feel like I’m only getting in the way).

Right, got to make this quick – Katie’s taking me out for a special dinner tonight for no reason in particular and we need to dash for a cab. Lucky me eh? Beats going on a silly march and messing with Fortnums.

It’s another outfit apparently based on a scarf from that book she likes. The dress is Kate Moss at Topshop, the shoes are Kurt Geiger, the fur is ancient and the necklace is from Luna & Curious.

Ta ta. X

Hello! How are you? Smoked any fags? I’ve not. Managed a long fishy luncheon though. Would probs have rather had the fags.

Katie wears an Irwin & Jordan dress, Tabio tights, Topshop cardie and the ribbons from some Louis Vuitton box.

That’s it from me. I’m off to play some cards with the missus. And not smoke any fags. I don’t even like the fags. Can I nick a fag?